Love & Hate
by Saki Toyo
Summary: "I want to tell him I love him...but it's too late. I realized everything too late." Izaya's dead, and Shizuo muses about the effect this has on him. Shizaya. SHONEN-AI. ONE-SHOT. Rated T for language. Tsk, tsk, Shizu-chan. ;3


Konichiwa, Minna-sama! Saki-kun here. Well…I'm supposed to be working on the Lucky Star Chronicles right now, but...ehehe… *sweat* Oh, but I promise that'll be up before Monday!

Ah, well about this: It's my first shonen-ai fic! *triumphant music playing in the background* Haha, it was easier than I thought…I guess I'm so familiar with BL now that it doesn't affect me anymore. ^^

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Durarara! ...If I did, Shizu-chan and Izaya-kun would have a secret affair, and Kida-kun and Mikada-kun would confess to each other.

_Italics = flashback or thoughts_

* * *

Dead.

Izaya Orihara is dead.

And the flea wasn't even killed by me.

He was hit by a goddamn truck.

**xXxXxXx**

I dropped the T.V. remote, my mouth hanging open. The newscaster droned on, but I wasn't listening. They hadn't released any names, but the face I saw was undoubtedly the flea. We had battled on the streets of Ikebukuro again last night, and he was perfectly fine! How could go and get himself killed? And by a truck, of all things. How ironic.

The thing that started it was the one that ended it all.

A flurry of emotions passed through me: disbelief, confusion, frustration, and anger. I screamed out in rage and slammed my fist into the table. "Idiotic flea! You get away unscathed every time I try to kill you! How the hell did you die from getting hit by a truck?"

And softly: "I'm the only one who's allowed to kill you. You can't be dead."

My mind replayed last night's events. No, not like that, you pervert! We were trying to kill each other, as usual…

_I hurled the closest large metal object (which happened to be a trash can) at the flea. It missed him by a couple of centimetres, slamming into a brick wall. _

"_Now, now, Shizu-chan~! You shouldn't throw objects like that! Someone might get hurt!"_

"_ARGH! I told you never to set foot in Ikebukuro again! What the hell are you doing here?" Ripping the nearest stop sign out of the ground, I swung it at him. He swiftly stepped out of its reach, and I made a huge dent in a passing van._

"_My, my, Shizu-chan~! It's not polite to ignore people's questions."_

"_Then answer mine!" I flung another metal object at him (this time it was a vending machine). He ducked, and it flew over his head, crashing into the wall of a nearby building. He danced away, dodging trash cans, mail boxes, stop signs, and the like. I chased after him._

'Goddamn it, he really pisses me off'

_We raced through the streets, absorbed in our game of cat and mouse. No one else mattered. The stupid flea led me all through Ikebukuro, finally ending up in the park. Panting, I picked up the nearest trash can, prepared to chuck it at his face._

"_Tsk, tsk, Shizu-chan~ You should really learn how to control your temper." He grinned. _

"_GET OUT OF IKEBUKURO!" I screamed, flinging the garbage bin at him. He avoided it easily, to my frustration._

"_Ah, yes! I can answer your question now, Shizu-chan~!"_

_I looked around. We were all alone. The locals had evacuated the park, knowing all too well that it'd up their survival rate. The tourists had obviously followed suit. Aw, who cares? Bystanders just get in the way. _

_My eyes scanned the area for anything else I could fling at his smiling face. It pissed me off. He was obviously enjoying this. Just as they settled on a lovely park bench (it probably weighed enough to do a lot of damage – if it hit him), the flea spoke again, this time in my ear._

"_Wha-? How? Get away from me, flea!"_

_He latched his arms around me, forcing me to stay in this very uncomfortable position. God, for such a scrawny flea, he was really strong. Then I felt his breath on my ear again._

"_Because I love you."_

_He walked away, leaving me dumbstruck. _

**xXxXxXxXx**

I called in sick today. I don't feel like going to work. I didn't even move from my bed – well, not until I could hear my stomach grumbling. I rummaged through the kitchen cupboards and took out some instant ramen. Eating it almost robotically, I stared at the wall in front of me, my mind empty.

Checking the time, I decided to take a walk. No one would bother me. No one smart, that is. And trust me, today was _not_the day to piss me off. I know I'm still…shocked. But that doesn't mean I can't still lift up a vending machine and slam it in someone's face.

'_That flea better not show up today,'_ I thought, chuckling. Then: _'…no, he won't. He can't.' _The smile was gone.

And suddenly I was standing in the middle of the park, in the exact same spot I was standing two nights ago. Memories of all the times we chased each other around Ikebukuro flooded into my mind. Ever since that fateful day back in high school, we were obsessed with killing each other. We hated each other. But…

Hate is the closest emotion to love.

The flea told me he loved me. At the time, I thought he was fooling around. There's no way…it's impossible. But…I can't help but wonder if he was being sincere.

**xXxXxXx**

Days and days passed while I stayed at home and mulled over the flea's words. I didn't leave my house. Ikebukuro didn't seem right without the flea, and that scared me. Could it be…that I returned his feelings?

It seemed impossible to believe. And yet…I can't _live_ without him. When I think about it, I spent so much of my life obsessed with killing the flea…that I didn't have much time for anything else. I hate to think this, but…at one point our feelings for each other must have turned from hate to love. Or maybe the flea loved me from the start.

Every part of me denies this…yet everyone who can see me now would say that it's solid, concrete proof. Proof that I love him.

I never thought that his death would affect me so greatly. He has been a part of my life for so long…it's hard. It's so hard to accept that I'll never see him again.

I want to tell him that I love him. But…it's too late.

I realized everything too late.

-END-

* * *

**A/N: **So how was it? I was going for angst. And yet…I can't seem to write it well. *cries* I'm planning a sequel for this, with one-sided Mikado/Shizuo. I won't go into details here, but you can find them on my profile!

I'm not happy with the title. I have an inability to think up creative, well-fitting titles. Please forgive me. *bows down*

As for my Naruto fics…I'll finish them when I have time…*sweat* I haven't even finished all my homework yet…but…I really wanted to write this.

I hope you enjoyed it! If you review, you get a chocolate chip cookie and my endless appreciation! ^^


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